"I didn't know I was pregnant"

Seriously?  Seriously.  David and I watched this last night on TLC.  There is no way I will ever believe someone can go nine months without knowing they were pregnant.  No way.  All of the women on this show didn't know until they had a baby fall out of their vagina and in to the toilet.  I just don't believe it.  I know that everyone knows someone whose neighbor's sister's best friend's mailman's wife didn't know she was pregnant until one day she had stomach pains, so she took a laxative,  went to the toilet to poop, pushed, and then heard a baby crying.  I swear this is what happened to one girl on this show.  The only way I could kind of understand not realizing is if you were morbidly obese - which none of these women were. Is it denial?  Sheer stupidity?  Pregnancy changes your body in every way.  It changes the way you feel, the way you look, the way you act...you don't just ignore those things!  I was annoyed.  I think I will boycott TLC.  Not that it matters, that was the first time I really watched that channel.  Oh well.

I am going to visit my fabulous friend tonight who is so close to becoming a foster parent!! I can't wait to hear all about it!!

Two weeks left of work, officially.  And we have Good Friday off this week, and I am using my last vacation day the next Monday (and I am on vacation today - no way was I going to let those go to waste!!) so you can pretty much say I have checked out of there.  I will miss it.  I will miss my friends, my boss, power pump, all my workout buddies...but what an amazing gift to get to stay home with my sweet Paige.  I don't take that for granted.  Not for a second.

My calfs and ankles have unified

9 months pregnant...and I have a few complaints:

My back is killing me

My ankles are swollen - in a big way.  Hello, cankles.

I can't sleep

My wedding ring barely fits

I can't walk to check with mail without pelvic pain

I have a rash on my legs

I am so congested, I have to keep Kleenex with me at all times

To be fair, here are the things I am loving:

People ask me 10-20 times a day when I am due ( I really like this!)

I feel Paige move all the time, and it is magical

Paige gets the hiccups all the time, and I love it

I have a nursery that I can go sit in and just stare in amazement at how perfect it is for our little girl

David and I are about to be parents!!

I am getting baby gifts in the mail still (so much fun!)

I only have a little over 3 weeks until we will meet her

I got my hair done today and feel like an actual woman again

I have this big huge belly that everyone admires : )

NO STRETCH MARKS!! (knock on wood)

No heartburn (knock on wood)

I am almost finished with work!

I am pregnant.  After 2 years, $45,000, countless tear-filled nights, a cycle of IVF...I am pregnant.  9 months pregnant.  

Who am I kidding!?  I have NOTHING to complain about.  God has blessed David and I beyond all imagination.  Pregnancy is amazing, and I feel so honored that I am getting to experience it.

I'm in shape...round is a shape!

These pictures make me laugh. I thought I was SO big when I was around 23 weeks and headed to Las Vegas. This is a whole new level! I know that Paige is growing - at least half a pound every week now. A little over 4 weeks to go...so that means this belly still has some growing to do!

I don't like thinking about all the weight I am going to have to lose. I haven't gained out of control this pregnancy (I think now is close to 21 pounds), but I gained 15-20 during my two year dance with infertility. Yuck. Yuck, yuck, yuck. So we are looking at around a 40 pound weight loss goal. : ) Goodbye, Sonic. Nice knowing you...

To my sweet girl

Paige,

I feel like we have been through a lot together, you and me. I loved you when I knew you only as a mere possibility. I was so nervous going in to look at you for the first time. We didn’t know if you would still be there, or if you were growing like you should. Do you remember when I found out your twin wasn’t going to make it? I cried and begged you to hang on and please be strong for me. I was so proud of you. I still am. You are coming into this world against all the odds. Your existence has made me believe in miracles. I have been holding my breath for these last 8 months – counting your movements and listening to your heartbeat, and now anxiously waiting for the day you take your first breath on the outside.

I am all you have known in this life. You hear outside voices, but you only truly know me. And I am the only one who knows you. Sure, daddy has felt you move from the outside, and I try and describe the amazing feeling of you getting the hiccups, but he can’t really know. He doesn’t know when you are asleep and when you are awake like I do. But he will soon. And I am ready for that. I am ready for everyone to know you as the perfect person that I know you. I am ready to hear you laugh, and comfort you when you cry. I am ready to show you off to the world.

I know it is still early and I need to be patient, but I dream of your sweet face and what it will be like to hold you for the first time, and I just need you to get here! Only 33 more days. Trust me, little one; I think you are worth the wait.

Week 34 appointment...life-changing decisions

All is fine.  Despite feeling HUGE, belly is measuring right on at 34 weeks.  To better suit David's work schedule, we changed our induction date to Wednesday, April 29th!! So I changed my ticker again...5 weeks from tomorrow!! I am so ready for her to get here, but I know that thing will be better for both of us if she stays in their and cooks until then.

In other news...despite all the arguments for me to stay at my job - the unstable economy, high cost of health care if I am not employed, the fact that we will not get to save as much - I could go on and on.  The bottom line is, I just couldn't fine peace with it.  I really feel like it is best for our family for me to stay home with Paige, at least for a while.  I might feel differently if I had a family member to watch her five days a week.  But I can't expect my parents to give up their lives so I can go to work.  It isn't fair to them, and I wouldn't want them to.  Paige deserve them to be grandparents - not full-time care-takers.  All this to say, my last day of work will be April 17th.  I like this little built-in cushion of over a week, to get everything done - and in case I go in to labor before my induction date!

That first appointment at Center for Reproductive Health on February 28th, 2007 seems like an eternity ago.  After all that we have been through, I will be a mommy in 5 weeks and 1 day.  Thank you, Lord!

Schmeagle

First - the boys new hair cuts. It was time to shed those winter coats in anticipation of warmer weather to come! We have been cracking up all weekend watching them run around...they look like those funny hairless cats. We know someone who has one of those, and his name is Schmeagle (pronounced liked Shmeegal) so that is what we have been calling Spike.

I promise I didn't pose them like this! It just happened!

Week 34-35...home stretch!

I know, I always take the time to look nice for these pictures. I can't believe how big I thought I used to look! This is a whole new level of big! The uncomfortable-ness has started. It is hard for me to walk for too long because I feel like I have to pee. All the time. My feet and hands are swollen. I can't sleep unless I take something (which I try not to do except on weekends). My back hurts 90% of the time - all this to say that I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world! I am tantalizingly close to meeting my little girl! If it comes sooner than planned, you will hear no complaints from me : )

More shower pics...

Thought I would load a few pics of me opening some of my favorite gifts! We got our Britax Marathon car seat and jogging stroller, which were great! And I loved all the gifts that my friends made, like a precious diaper cake with tons of goodies in it, and this little outfit with sweet hand-made bows! And this last one...well I was just super excited for the little baby robe. I always give these as shower gifts because they are adorable! I can't believe this one is for ME and MY baby!!! : )

Doppler plug: Still can't live without it. It is 4:30 in the morning, and I woke up in a panic. Paige is just not moving that much these last few days. She is moving - just not as much. I know this is normal. And a trip out of bed into the study to listen to her heartbeat makes me feel oh so much better.

Changed my ticker

So there is no confusion...I updated my ticker to reflect my induction date (April 27th). That is my new due date : )

Baby showers!!!!

To start the pics out (above)...pictures of all the stuff : ) We got some great stuff for our little love bug! You would never guess she was born in a recession! Our friends and family are so generous, we got every single thing we needed. Towels, bath products, TONS of clothes, jogging stroller, car seat, blankets, shoes...we need for nothing, that is for sure! I had two showers - one Friday and one Sunday. They were both so great - I have wonderful friends who went above and beyond for Paige and me.

Me with my mom and grandmother

Side view...just 6 weeks to go!!

My cute hostesses

Diaper cake from Sunday

My shower at work on Friday

We got home from the shower around 4:30 on Sunday, ate some BBQ with the family and some friends. then mom and I got to work. Organizing, putting things away, deciding what to take back...around 8:30 I called it quits and will start back up tomorrow! Nursery progress is going great. All I have left to find is a mirror. I settled on a fabric for the curtains (finally!) and they should be hung in the next few weeks. JUST IN TIME!!! : )

This is really starting to feel real to me. I am having a baby.

Baby showers this weekend - brings up emotions...

I had my week 32-33 appointment a few days ago…it went well! I started talking to the doctor about how I know things are going well, but I still get a lot of anxiety of things going wrong towards the end. She understands, and is very supportive of me. She suggested picking a date and inducing labor, as a way of easing my mind in a way. This way, I have a concrete date in my head, and that is my “goal.” So April 27th! Save the date!!

I worked out today, and came back to my desk to eat my lunch. Paige is super active after I eat lunch. She had been very quiet all morning, and of course I was worried. But like clockwork, I started eating, and she started tumbling!! Kicking, moving, getting the hiccups…so much I couldn’t even count her movements! I am always in awe of the fact that there is a precious baby girl growing in me. But some days it hits me more than others. Like today! I am just so thankful for this amazing gift. I have been dreaming about this for well over two years! I can’t count the times that I would be on the bathroom floor crying so hard that I literally couldn’t move. I would cry so hard that it would make me throw up. David would have to pick me up out of the bathtub, dry me off, put my pajamas on, and put me into bed. Literally. I asked David the other day if he remembers all the times I called him sobbing – leaving the doctor’s office with more bad news. Or all the times he would be with me, and we would get bad news together – I would start crying once we got to the elevator.

Then there was that hot August afternoon, when David was out playing golf. I decided to take a pregnancy test while he was gone (because I promised him I wouldn’t!) But when I got back from the store, he was already home. I didn’t say a word – just went in the bathroom, took it – fully expecting to see one line again. It was very early – just 11 days past my egg retrieval, 8 past my transfer. I was shocked to see two perfect lines come up right away. I don’t remember how long I sat there looking at it. Trying to figure out what it meant – this was something that I always heard people talking about, but never fully understood how it was possible. I got up, and took it in to David who was on the computer. I just said, “I’m pregnant.” Of course he didn’t believe it. He was very skeptical. So he went out to mow the lawn, and I took a digital test. After staring at the word ‘pregnant’ for a few seconds, I went out to show him. Still skeptical, he just said, “lets wait until we have the blood test next week.” SO NOT the reaction I was hoping for…but it was perfect for us. We had many perfect moments after that. Hearing that my beta was 387, seeing a tiny spec on the screen, seeing the heartbeat for the first time…finding out we were having a GIRL!

I am so thankful for this miracle! She is so special that it took God two years to make her just right to give to us.

The timing for this complete sentimental mess isn’t completely random…my first baby shower is today. Gives me chills just typing it!

More bump pics and nursery pics to come after the showers!

So much has been going on!

First - baby related news: we had labor and delivery class on Saturday! It was not bad at all - from 9 to about 2:30 (was supposed to be until 5 - David really lucked out there!), plus we got an almost 2 hour lunch break. It was great to practice breathing and tips for coping with those early contractions you have at home before meds. Taking the class made me feel like I could probably do it without meds, but David reminded me of something: why would you put yourself through great pain when an epidural will take away the pain with virtually no risks? I'll still be experiencing labor and delivery - just not in excruciating pain! David was pretty great in the class - doing the practice breaths too so he could know how to help me when it is actually time.

Speaking of...it is getting close! I have my showers this weekend, one on Friday, one on Sunday. I invited 40 people to my work shower and 37 to my out of work shower, so I am hoping for lots of great things for Paige : ) Not that it even matters...I really just want everyone I care about to get together and celebrate our sweet baby girl. I am working on hostess gifts right now - I have 6 of them! Yikes!! David's folks will be in town this weekend for the showers, so I need to get our guest room in order. It has been taken over by baby gear!

Other news: Thursday was my birthday! It was great! David sent me flowers to work, then two of my friends set balloons up for me in aerobics class. So nice! We did dinner with my family on Thursday night, then dinner with friends on Friday night. It was really great. David got me a new laptop! The mac one! I am so excited to get it all set up. I just need to go get the piece for wireless internet. I also got to go get a pedicure today, which was needed! All pregnant women can understand how it is just impossible to do your toes after your 30th week.

Nursery progress: I have a rug, nightstand, and little table next to my crib. Now I just need curtains and a mirror, and I'm calling it a day! I finally picked fabric for my curtains, I just need to get a price estimate. Pictures to come : ) I'll also do a bump pic soon...I am getting bigger every day. I am excited to go to my appointment on Tuesday and get another growth estimate. I am guessing my little lady is already 4.5 pounds. Go Paige!

All in all this is just a very wonderful time in my life. I am so thankful to be pregnant.

Pink: Its my new obsession

Wall letters are hung!

My cute picture from MaryJack studios!

I love my glider! It is so comfy!

A picture that was in my room as a baby - my aunt made it many many years ago : )

Changing table with diaper stacker

Sweet Paige!

We have a lot of work left to do. We need a mirror, curtains, end table, book shelf, rug - and then all miscellaneous nursery things that we will get at showers and closer to when the baby gets here. 2 months!!! Or less! I feel good about finally making progress. The color on the wall is the same color throughout - it just looks different with different angles of light on my camera. But it is all even, I promise! My mom, David, and my grandfather, Jack did this all day Saturday! They rock! I, for the most part, stayed in bed and watched 90210. Then we made a trip to babies R us to finalize the registry and so I could pick out a shower gift for a girlfriend who is due late March. So all in all, it was a very productive weekend!

This baby is going to be all girl! I realize that by inundating her with pink, she will probably grow to loathe the color and be goth or something - but that is a risk I am willing to take.

Week 31-32

I look so great in these, I know. We had worked out and then painted all day. But here it is - my ever-expanding body!

In much more exciting news: Paige has a pink room. I have so much pink happening in my life right now - and I love it!!! We still have alot left to do, but later today we are going to hang her wall letters and a few pictures and I will give a big nursery update then. Hope everyone has had a nice weekend!

Biophysical profile

Went great! Not to brag, but my kid is a rockstar. She is 3.5 pounds and passed all the tests they gave her! They said she looks very happy in there. She took some practice breaths, was swallowing just fine, and would not stop moving! She is big and doesn't have a lot of room, but she doesn't let that bother her at all. The tech said she would guess I will have her by May 1st - so I still have a chance at my April diamond baby : )

Boring stats: Up 15 pounds for the pregnancy, blood pressure still 110/60, measuring at 31 weeks.

Nothing else exciting...still can't sleep. She told me to take tylenol PM or benadryl to help with that. I hate it when people say, oh just wait until the baby gets here. Then you really can't sleep. Don't you think I know that!! I am just hoping to be well rested when she gets here! Goodness!!

Still no belly pic - I'll get on that one soon.

Praying for daylight

It makes me nervous that at 30 weeks pregnant, I am having trouble sleeping. I still have 2 months left! Isn't this not supposed to happen until later? I toss and turn all night trying to get comfortable. And tossing and turning when you have a basketball under your jammies is not easy. My poor dogs...they love to snuggle against me when we sleep, but they are just annoyed with constantly being moved around these days. Sorry, guy! Just wait until Paige is here and and up crying every 2 hours!!

Speaking of that - we plan on keeping the baby in our room in bassinet for the first few weeks of her life, then moving her into her crib. This is more for my benefit than hers. I worry that I am going to be so nervous leaving her side when we first bring her home. I'll want her right there so I can check on her whenever I want. Hopefully, I'll learn after a few weeks that she will be fine during the night, the baby monitors will work, and I can move her into her own room. That is what it is there for!

I have a special request: please pray for a great couple that David and I have known for a while. They are navigating their own path to parenthood, and are making some very exciting progress...baby could just be around the corner!!!!

Oh - and don't worry - a belly shot will come soon : )

Paige in 3D

The most amazing Valentine's Day gift ever from the best husband ever! David and I had an amazing time looking at our precious girl, Paige!! We weren't able to capture the best face shots because she is pressed so tightly against my placenta, but we managed to get a few : ) In the second picture she is opening her little mouth. Awwwww..... : )

She is so adorable, with chubby cheeks and full lips. I swear she looks like David - just like I wanted. If it is possible, I am even more excited to meet her now.

Oh, and for the last picture...yes that is her vagina. I have been told several times that she is a girl. Since I was 13 weeks pregnant every ultrasound tech in the greater metro area has told me I am having a girl. But I STILL got nervous that this baby would pop out a boy. This is the final proof. GIRL! She is all girl! Thank GOD haha

Be at Peace

I found this from another blog, and had to share it. It brought tears to my eyes. I get so wrapped up my own insecurities and fears about life in general, and specifically this pregnancy - that I forget this.

"Be at Peace," by Saint Francis de Sales

Do not look forward in fear to the changes in life;
rather, look to them with full hope that as they arise,
God will lead you safely through all things; and when you cannot stand it, God will carry you in His Arms.

Do not fear what may happen tomorrow;
the same understanding Father who cares for you today will take care of you tomorrow and every day.
He will either shield you from suffering or will give you the unfailing strength to bear it.
Be at peace then, and put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginations.

If you're happy and you know it...

I PASSED!!! Holy crap! I passed my 3 hour glucose tolerance test. To fail, you needed to fail 2 out of the 4 blood draws, and I only failed 1. This means that I still need to watch my diet (which I am - big time), but I am in no danger at all - all my other levels were fantastic. Praise God! This was such amazing news to hea

In other news...I am freaking huge. Despite what it looks like, I did not just shove a basketball under my shirt. This is a baby. A squirmy, jumpy little baby girl. I can't believe I have only gained 13 pounds. I am just massive!