Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Once again, we are headed to Las Vegas to ring in 2009. I am the perfect “amount” of pregnant right now. I am feeling great, lots of energy – perfect for traveling! This is how I always pictured it would be.
Christmas was great. We went to College Station to be with David’s family. We had to run to Wallgreens one night to get some ice cream, and I had a weird feeling of déjà vu. Last Christmas, we went to that same Wallgreens – to buy pregnancy tests. I had a feeling I might be pregnant. We know I was not – if you refer to the first paragraph, you will see I got my period a few days after Christmas and started a Clomid cycle in January. This time, I sat in the parking lot while David ran in, just grinning knowing that I was going to be eating ice cream in a few minutes and not peeing on a stick. Then staring at said stick, willing a second line to come up.
I also got to open some fantastic presents. Poor David, though. I don’t think anyone told him that when you get married, your wife dictates a lot of the big gifts you receive. The first year we were married, it was finishing the collection of our Vietri dishes. Last year, it was luggage. This year, it was:
That’s right! A pack ‘n play and a travel system stroller. And TONS of fun girlie clothes. Have I mentioned I am really excited we are having a girl? In all actuality, he was actually pretty excited about the gifts. He can’t wait for his little girl to get here.
I hope everyone has a safe New Years! I hope 2009 brings peace and happiness to those so desperately searching for it, like I was last year.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
1) Choose the 4th folder where you store your pictures on your computer
2) Select the 4th picture in the folder
3) Explain the picture4) Tag 4 people to do the same
NO CHEATING!(cropping, editing, etc!)
This was from OU vs. Texas 2006! We won that year - BOOMER SOONER!!! This was the first year we were married. Little did we know, just a few short months later, we would discover we were infertile and embark on one very crazy ride! : ) I believe this was taken outside the Cotton Bowl, by my lovely mother. This was fun, Thanks Callie!!!
I tag Erin...
http://teamcorbin.blogspot.com/, sorry, I can't do tiny URLs. I am pretty sure Erin and Callie are the only two people who read my blog regularly, and I am okay with that!
OH, and Jill...who just got her BFP from IVF #3!! YAY for Jill!!!
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Beautiful things! You can't tell from this picture, but there are tiny sequins sewn on the actual canvas. It is really cool.
We also ordered wall letters to be made, but their stupid website won't let you copy pictures from there. A link will have to do!
Ours will say Paige! I guess that means we have for sure settled on a name! Paige Braley : )
It is also safe to say that I have fully embraced this girl business. I am having so much fun getting ready for her arrival! I was meant to have a girl!
Thursday, December 11, 2008
I have had 7 ultrasounds. One was with a perinatologist not even two weeks ago. All I have heard is how wonderful this baby girl looks. I feel so optimistic and happy, and am just glowing with excitement. Then something happens. I don’t know what it is. I wish I could pin point the exact moment or trigger that sends me into a panic. A sweating, heart-pounding panic. I am sitting in my office today, and all of the sudden, I start thinking – what if she just stopped breathing. Would I feel it? Would I cramp or spot? What if she isn’t breathing right now and there is nothing I can do about it? I didn’t check the heartbeat on my Doppler last night because we got home so late. We went to a basketball game, and didn’t get home until 10:30. What if she stopped breathing yesterday? Should I not go to step today? Should I go home and check the Doppler?
So here I sit, paralyzed with fear. And out comes google. Evil, evil google. It is almost like I step outside my body, and watch myself googling “miscarriage at 20 weeks.” Why am I doing this? I know the answer. I know what I am going to find. Stop, Megan. Just stop. But I keep going. I google “signs of second trimester miscarriage.” I go through the check list: no, don’t have any bleeding. Nope, no contractions. I haven’t smoked or drank. Just when I start to feel better – I read “sometimes there are no signs of a late miscarriage. Sometimes it just happens.” Tears are now coming down my face. What if it just happened and I don’t even know it?
Then I start thinking about all the people who told me I should be feeling clear movement by now. Why can’t I feel her? Shouldn’t I be feeling her by now? Nevermind the fact that my doctor told me it is totally normal to not feel things yet.
Is all of this worry irrational? I really don’t know. I don’t know if it has anything to do with infertility. Or the fact that I already lost a baby. Or maybe it is just that I love her so much, it makes me ache.
Every day is not like this for me. In fact, most days aren’t. Most days are great. Most of the time I am not a ticking time bomb. I know that all I can do is try to take care of my body the best I know how. And pray.
I always thought once you get pregnant, it gets easier. Then I thought, once I see a heartbeat, it will be easier. No, once I get out of the first trimester, it will be easier. WHEN? When is it going to get easier?
But after all of this, I have come to a decision: My love for Paige is greater than my fear of losing her. My love for Paige is greater than my fear of losing her. My love for Paige is greater than my fear of losing her.
Of this, I am certain. This is the only truth I can hang on to. Nothing else matters.
I came straight home from work, went right for the Doppler, and found her beautiful heartbeat right away. I feel so blessed right now!
Monday, December 8, 2008
I hope this little lady starts kicking me soon! She is so active on ultrasound, and when I get her on the Doppler, I can tell she is jumping all over the place. So I am really anxious to start feeling it! Sometimes I think I might be feeling something...only to discover it is just gas. Lovely.
My last OB appointment I had only gained 2 pounds...up 3.5 for the whole pregnancy. I am eating EVERYTHING! I am exercising almost every day, so I am sure that has something to do with it. My OB was actually happy, she says she would much prefer this to having to tell her patients to slow it down. I have a feeling the weight is really going to start coming now. Thank you, Sonic. And Pillsbury Cinnamon rolls. And Cookies n' Cream ice cream.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
I am going with the pink and brown thing. I don't care if it is trendy right now. I love it! My mom got me a brown with pink polka dots glider, and a chocolate brown ottoman. Beautiful! Should arrive in 6-8 weeks. Same with the bedding. I am now looking for a girlie chandelier and maybe a night stand. I am having so much fun with this.