Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Week 22/23 bump pics!!

Getting ready to hop in the shower and head to VEGAS baby!! But I think it is safe to say that I actually look pregnant! I almost feel like I look a little too pregnant for being just 22.5 weeks. Well, we'll call it 23 in case anyone asks!

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

'Tis the season to be merry

This time last year, we were headed to Las Vegas, as is our New Year’s tradition. I desperately wished that I was pregnant. But I wasn’t (and my sister-in-law was). I had just finished the last of two cycles of “trying on our own” after my lap surgery. I got my period a few days after Christmas, and knew that I was going to be starting Clomid again on cycle day 5. That happened to be the last day we were in Vegas. It is so funny to look back now at all of that. Before I started blogging, I kept a written journal. I was so optimistic almost every step of the way. I just KNEW that surgery was all I needed and this extra boost of Clomid was all it was going to take. Now, I am actually glad I was able to be so positive the whole time. I was always excited about the next cycle.

Once again, we are headed to Las Vegas to ring in 2009. I am the perfect “amount” of pregnant right now. I am feeling great, lots of energy – perfect for traveling! This is how I always pictured it would be.

Christmas was great. We went to College Station to be with David’s family. We had to run to Wallgreens one night to get some ice cream, and I had a weird feeling of déjà vu. Last Christmas, we went to that same Wallgreens – to buy pregnancy tests. I had a feeling I might be pregnant. We know I was not – if you refer to the first paragraph, you will see I got my period a few days after Christmas and started a Clomid cycle in January. This time, I sat in the parking lot while David ran in, just grinning knowing that I was going to be eating ice cream in a few minutes and not peeing on a stick. Then staring at said stick, willing a second line to come up.

I also got to open some fantastic presents. Poor David, though. I don’t think anyone told him that when you get married, your wife dictates a lot of the big gifts you receive. The first year we were married, it was finishing the collection of our Vietri dishes. Last year, it was luggage. This year, it was:

That’s right! A pack ‘n play and a travel system stroller. And TONS of fun girlie clothes. Have I mentioned I am really excited we are having a girl? In all actuality, he was actually pretty excited about the gifts. He can’t wait for his little girl to get here.

I hope everyone has a safe New Years! I hope 2009 brings peace and happiness to those so desperately searching for it, like I was last year.

Sunday, December 21, 2008


My niece, Ava, with my cute husband, David.
From left to right - Beefy Griffith, Spike Griffith

Bump pic! Week 21/22
I am starting to feel her kick now! It isn't every day, and it is normally just at night, but when I do feel them, they are strong! It is such an amazing feeling. We saw the movie 4 Christmases yesterday (I DO NOT recommend!!) and she was kicking the whole time! I think she was saying, mom - why are you seeing this dumb movie! I got to spend some great time with my mom and David though, so it was worth it!
Christmas is almost here - and all keep thinking is how thankful I am for my great husband, family, and baby girl Paige.
Merry Christmas everyone!! I hope everyone gets what they wish for this year : )

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Fun game!!!

The object of the picture tag is to:
1) Choose the 4th folder where you store your pictures on your computer

2) Select the 4th picture in the folder

3) Explain the picture4) Tag 4 people to do the same

NO CHEATING!(cropping, editing, etc!)

This was from OU vs. Texas 2006! We won that year - BOOMER SOONER!!! This was the first year we were married. Little did we know, just a few short months later, we would discover we were infertile and embark on one very crazy ride! : ) I believe this was taken outside the Cotton Bowl, by my lovely mother. This was fun, Thanks Callie!!!

I tag Erin..., sorry, I can't do tiny URLs. I am pretty sure Erin and Callie are the only two people who read my blog regularly, and I am okay with that!

OH, and Jill...who just got her BFP from IVF #3!! YAY for Jill!!!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Bump pics - 20 weeks

This is 20 weeks - in clothes

20 week tummy

20 weeks tummy - after breakfast haha!
Getting bigger for sure! I love love love it!

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Exciting stuff for me that no one else really cares about

Picture I ordered for Paige's room!! You have to check out this website:
Beautiful things! You can't tell from this picture, but there are tiny sequins sewn on the actual canvas. It is really cool.
We also ordered wall letters to be made, but their stupid website won't let you copy pictures from there. A link will have to do!
Ours will say Paige! I guess that means we have for sure settled on a name! Paige Braley : )

It is also safe to say that I have fully embraced this girl business. I am having so much fun getting ready for her arrival! I was meant to have a girl!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

How do I let go of the fear?

You would think being nearly 20 weeks, I would feel better about this whole pregnancy situation.

I have had 7 ultrasounds. One was with a perinatologist not even two weeks ago. All I have heard is how wonderful this baby girl looks. I feel so optimistic and happy, and am just glowing with excitement. Then something happens. I don’t know what it is. I wish I could pin point the exact moment or trigger that sends me into a panic. A sweating, heart-pounding panic. I am sitting in my office today, and all of the sudden, I start thinking – what if she just stopped breathing. Would I feel it? Would I cramp or spot? What if she isn’t breathing right now and there is nothing I can do about it? I didn’t check the heartbeat on my Doppler last night because we got home so late. We went to a basketball game, and didn’t get home until 10:30. What if she stopped breathing yesterday? Should I not go to step today? Should I go home and check the Doppler?

So here I sit, paralyzed with fear. And out comes google. Evil, evil google. It is almost like I step outside my body, and watch myself googling “miscarriage at 20 weeks.” Why am I doing this? I know the answer. I know what I am going to find. Stop, Megan. Just stop. But I keep going. I google “signs of second trimester miscarriage.” I go through the check list: no, don’t have any bleeding. Nope, no contractions. I haven’t smoked or drank. Just when I start to feel better – I read “sometimes there are no signs of a late miscarriage. Sometimes it just happens.” Tears are now coming down my face. What if it just happened and I don’t even know it?

Then I start thinking about all the people who told me I should be feeling clear movement by now. Why can’t I feel her? Shouldn’t I be feeling her by now? Nevermind the fact that my doctor told me it is totally normal to not feel things yet.

Is all of this worry irrational? I really don’t know. I don’t know if it has anything to do with infertility. Or the fact that I already lost a baby. Or maybe it is just that I love her so much, it makes me ache.

Every day is not like this for me. In fact, most days aren’t. Most days are great. Most of the time I am not a ticking time bomb. I know that all I can do is try to take care of my body the best I know how. And pray.

I always thought once you get pregnant, it gets easier. Then I thought, once I see a heartbeat, it will be easier. No, once I get out of the first trimester, it will be easier. WHEN? When is it going to get easier?

But after all of this, I have come to a decision: My love for Paige is greater than my fear of losing her. My love for Paige is greater than my fear of losing her. My love for Paige is greater than my fear of losing her.

Of this, I am certain. This is the only truth I can hang on to. Nothing else matters.

I came straight home from work, went right for the Doppler, and found her beautiful heartbeat right away. I feel so blessed right now!

Monday, December 8, 2008

Pregnancy lull

I am kind of in a boring part of pregnancy. I know what I am having. I am not quite feeling movements yet. I am kind of showing, but not really.

I hope this little lady starts kicking me soon! She is so active on ultrasound, and when I get her on the Doppler, I can tell she is jumping all over the place. So I am really anxious to start feeling it! Sometimes I think I might be feeling something...only to discover it is just gas. Lovely.

My last OB appointment I had only gained 2 pounds...up 3.5 for the whole pregnancy. I am eating EVERYTHING! I am exercising almost every day, so I am sure that has something to do with it. My OB was actually happy, she says she would much prefer this to having to tell her patients to slow it down. I have a feeling the weight is really going to start coming now. Thank you, Sonic. And Pillsbury Cinnamon rolls. And Cookies n' Cream ice cream.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

LOVE thinking pink!

My whole life I knew I would be the mom of boys. Especially when I was trying to get pregnant, and I would imagine it working - I would imagine myself with a baby boy. Or twin boys. Or adopting a baby boy. I wanted to name him Jack, after my grandfather. I must admit, my heart sunk for a few moments when she said, "It's a girl!" I have had 6 people give me ultrasounds and tell me I am having a girl. A tech guessed that at 13 weeks, my OB confirmed that at 16 weeks, a (different) tech confirmed at 17 weeks, (yet another) tech confirmed at my peri appointment yesterday, and the peri himself again said, "yes, you are having a baby girl." I get it. I am having a girl.

My oh my, how my attitude has changed. I am going crazy with pink, polka dots, name it. I am so happy to be having a baby girl! Nothing to do with infertility - I mean everyone is thankful to be pregnant, I am just so beyond elated to be having a girl. How lucky am I? I can't imagine not being pregnant with a girl. I am so excited. So excited, in fact, that I ordered bedding.

I am going with the pink and brown thing. I don't care if it is trendy right now. I love it! My mom got me a brown with pink polka dots glider, and a chocolate brown ottoman. Beautiful! Should arrive in 6-8 weeks. Same with the bedding. I am now looking for a girlie chandelier and maybe a night stand. I am having so much fun with this.