Tuesday, October 28, 2008

13 weeks

13 weeks today! I feel like this is a huge milestone. We had an ultrasound yesterday (I love being an IVF patient and getting ultrasounds every few weeks!), and sweet baby was bouncing all over the place. Would not sit still! It was so cute. Measuring right at 13 weeks – so a day ahead! When we had twins, both babies measured a few days behind. I guess there just weren’t enough resources to keep both babies growing strong.
We are so thankful for our healthy, growing baby.

She measured the back of the neck for me. Thick fluid behind the neck can be a marker for genetic disorders such as Down’s. Everything looked great! She was able to get several good angles and take a guess at the baby’s gender!! She guessed...GIRL!!!!!! Of course this is just a guess, and I know I should not get too attached to that idea, but I can’t help it! I am imagining my little baby Paige : ) Of course I would be thrilled if next time she tells me she was wrong. I am just so happy everything looked great.

For the first time, I actually believe I will have a baby this spring.
It is starting to get cold outside, and I told David on the way to work this morning, that by the time it starts to warm up, it will be time! I can’t believe it!

I am going to start taking belly pics soon. I guess I just don’t feel like I look pregnant at all. I know it is so early, so that is normal. I am gaining weight because I eat more and exercise less, but it isn’t in the form of a cute belly. Unless people grow babies in their thighs and hips. But as soon as I see a little bump coming out, I will bring out that camera!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

12 weeks (and one day)...but who's counting?

The most dramatic development this week: Reflexes. Your baby's fingers will soon begin to open and close, his toes will curl, his eye muscles will clench, and his mouth will make sucking movements. In fact, if you prod your abdomen, your baby will squirm in response, although you won't be able to feel it. His intestines, which have grown so fast that they protrude into the umbilical cord, will start to move into his abdominal cavity about now, and his kidneys will begin excreting urine into his bladder. From crown to rump, your baby-to-be is just over two inches long (about the size of a lime) and weighs half an ounce. (Taken from my weekly BabyCenter.com emails)

The most interesting part to me, however, was when they said, “you probably won’t need to be in maternity clothes for several more weeks.” What they mean is, if you haven’t basically abandoned working out and don’t eat Sonic every day, you don’t need maternity clothes yet. I am the happy owner of a pair of Citizen maternity jeans, black maternity work pants, and two bella bands. And if someone can manage to pry the bag of Salt and Vinegar chips from my hands, I might go looking online for some more things. I love my pregnant body, and wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world!

In other baby news, we have an ultrasound on Monday. I am taking David with me this time. It is bad luck for him not to be there. I will be 13 weeks exactly, so I am not thinking they will take a guess at the gender. Wouldn’t that be fun if they did!? I am pretty sure we are having a boy, but I’d like the ultrasound tech to give me a second opinion.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Welcome to the life of Megan

I have nothing interesting to talk about - except that I am 11 weeks pregnant - one week away from that coveted 12 week mark! Baby Griffith is the size of a fig now, and all major body parts are completely formed.

Found this on another blog, and I am bored, so...
You have to use one-word answers.

Your hair? Blonde
Your mother? Friend
Your father? Giving
Your favorite thing? football
Your dream last night? none
Your dream/goal? family
Your favorite drink? wine
The room you're in? study
Your ex? traveler
Your hobby? exercise
Your fear? wasps
Where do you want to be in 6 years? content
Where were you last night? home
What you're not? patient
Muffins? Blueberry!
One of your wish list items? crib
Time? Dinner!
Where you grew up? Edmond (Oklahoma)
The last thing you did? feed (my dogs)
Favorite weather? fall
What are you wearing? sweats
Your favorite book? Dickens
Your TV? lifeline
Your pet? yorkies
Your computer? Dell
Your mood? Wonderful
Missing someone? Yes
Your car? BMW
Something you're not wearing? shoes
Favorite store? Neimans
Love someone? Lots
Your favorite color/shade? Red
Last thing you ate? Fritos
Your life? Enviable
Your friends? fulfilling
What are you thinking right now? Hungry
What are you doing at this moment? Cooking
Your summer: IVF
Your relationship status: married
What do you do when you can't sleep? computer
When is the last time you laughed? work
Last time you cried? today

Okay, so I cheated on a few.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Back from the Big D

I use this as my online journal, to talk about my thoughts. I realized on the way home from Dallas today, that I really have a lot to talk about today. First, OU lost. (this was the annual OU vs Texas weekend, if you have been living under a rock and didn't know). The economy is shitty. I miscarried a twin, and spend 95% of my waking moments worrying about the one we still have. My husband didn't even get to come with us this weekend because he had to work.

But I am not going to talk about all those things. I am going to talk about how blessed I am! I got to spend a weekend with my family and some of my great friends, who would do anything for me! I got to spend some time alone with my parents, which I haven't done in a while! It was nice. I got to come home to my beautiful house that we custom built. I get to be very proud of my husband who works hard to provide for his family. I got to go to an exciting football game, which was way worth the price to get in. It was very entertaining, even though my school lost. We still had a great afternoon. And I am pregnant. I got to listen to my baby's heart beating whenever I felt like checking it. Yes, I rented a Doppler, and it was the right choice for me! Baby Griffith was hovering around 176-180 every time I found it.

I have a very enviable life, and I know we must go through hard times to appreciate the good times. I am blessed beyond all belief.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Stages of grief

I feel like I will never get out of this. Today was an okay day, though. I only cried twice. I went to work and actually got some stuff done. I did spend most of the afternoon chatting with a friend about the stupidity of most when it comes to dealing with another's loss. We bonded over our shared encounters with people who were very familiar with God's plan. Apparently, her having a baby now, and me having my twins now, just wasn't in His plan. Where do you find a copy of God's plan? Is it printed somewhere? I would really like to see this, so I can be sure that my surviving baby is going to be okay.
Anyway - back to my point...
I feel in such an awkward place. I am pregnant. Wasn't that the goal of all of this? Wasn't one healthy baby what we wanted? What we paid over $45,000 for? Shouldn't I be happy with that? There are so many people out there still struggling, and I did it on our first try of IVF. I just keep thinking about what might have been. Was this baby a girl or a boy? I wonder if it would have loved golf, just like David. From the beginning, I imagined this baby to be the shy, quiet one of the two. Would that have been correct?
I am having a hard time grasping the concept that I am never going to know.

Monday, October 6, 2008


We found out this morning that one of our babies didn't make it. We are sick with grief. I am trying to balance how to be happy with the one baby we have, with the deep hurt I feel for my baby who didn't make it. I heard it's heart beating. I saw it staring at me on the screen. And that has just been taken away from me. We will move on from this - it just might take some time.

Our precious surviving baby was looking great. Heartbeat at a speedy 181 bbp. Measuring right on track. We are so thankful for that. I feel completely blessed, and completely cheated all at the same time.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

No real updates yet.

I had my first OB appointment. Good news: we really like her. She was laid-back, to the point, yet didn’t talk down to us or make us feel rushed at all. She is well informed about my reproductive history, so she know we are more anxious than the average first –time parents-to-be. The ultrasound tech wasn’t in that day, so they are having me come back Monday to take a peek at the babies. I am excited, but not terribly nervous. I have a strange sense of calm about me these days. Whatever will be, will be. Que Sera, Sera. Or whatever.

Bad news: the friend I mentioned before, the one who got pregnant, has suffered a miscarriage. I feel so badly for them. This was not a planned thing by any means, but she was thrilled to be pregnant, and only got to hold on to that feeling for a week. She feels silly for being so upset, since they weren’t planning on a baby for a while. I assured her she has every right to be completely upset. Life will go on, but this is still a huge loss. Even though they will go on to have children one day, nothing will ever take away from this little one that they lost. I am very, very sorry for them. Luckily for me, she is a great friend who is still over the moon excited for me. She walked with me through all my struggles. In fact, when she called me to tell me about her miscarriage, her first words were: “how was your appointment?” She wanted to know how it went first before she told me her news. I feel like too many people I care about have experienced pain when it comes to reproduction. I thought it was supposed to be a happy, exciting thing!

No exciting plans for us this weekend. I will update on Monday when I get back from the ultrasound!