Thursday, November 27, 2008

So much to be thankful for!

What a difference a year makes. Last year, my one brother and his wife announced they were expecting. I was happy for them, but truth be told, it felt like a knife in the gut. I honestly couldn't breathe. I just couldn't believe that it wasn't me making this announcement. After all that time, I was not even close.

I was recovering from a lap surgery with ovarian drilling (which did nothing for me - goodbye 15K), and we were going to "try on our own" until the first of the year. Of course when I say try on our own, I don't mean sex in your bedroom when you feel like it. I mean, I would go to the RE on cycle day 13, if I had a follicle (sac that holds an egg on the ovary) greater than 18mm, I would take a shot of hcg to induce ovulation (the trigger shot), and go home and have sex. If I did not have a follicle ready to go, I would come back one week later and check it out. So our trying on our own wasn't free, wasn't relaxing, and wasn't fun.

So with my family celebrating the happy news of my brother and sister-in-law who got pregnant on the first month, I knew I had an appointment with my RE soon, he would tell me to have sex, and 14 days later I would get my period. And cry. And scream. After all the clomid, injectables, and surgery, I felt lost.

And never in my wildest dreams did I think that it would take me all the way until AUGUST of the next year to get pregnant. 30,000 more dollars, two injectable cycles, and a cycle of IVF.

Why did I label this negative post so much to be thankful for? Because I AM thankful. I am so thankful for the journey. I cry every day now because I feel so blessed. I will never forget where I came from. I will never forget the tears. I am forever grateful for all the pain I experienced. Last year, I felt lost, alone, jealous, bitter, completely unhappy. This year, I am going to spend black Friday shopping for my baby girl. I am not sure that anyone could feel as blessed as David and I do this holiday season.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

BIG news!

We are having a GIRL!!!!!! We are very excited with this news! I have always wanted a little girl! She said she is 100% sure, and it was even obvious to my mom, who hadn't seen an ultrasound since my older brother Kirk was in-utero. It was clear as day. David and I are thrilled. What was even more exciting was that baby looks perfect. Her head, heart, kidneys, spine, everything!! Just perfect! I got a DVD of the entire session, and I just keep watching it. Baby girl is flipping all over the place, waving "hi!", putting her little hand up by her face. It was so funny - when we were looking at her girlie parts, she put her hand down there to cover it up. She was saying "stop looking! Leave me alone!" Of course we didn't leave her alone for almost an hour! What an amazing thing! I was (and still am) just in heaven.

We feel very blessed today, and are happily looking forward to the future with our little girl.

And here - a bump pic for week 18!

It is very fuzzy. I am going to have to get David to start taking them for me, and not me taking them in a mirror. The flash messes it up with the lighting in our bathroom. I think I am getting bigger. I still thinking it is too much Moe's burritos, and not so much a baby girl growing.

Also exciting things are happening in the Big XII south: a three way tie between OU, Texas, and Texas Tech. Each has a claim to the title because each has a win over one. Each has a loss to one. Who should go? Of course, this is all assuming that Tech can beat Baylor, Texas can beat Texas A&M, and OU can beat OSU. If that happens - who will get the south title? I think it should be OU (duh) - but each has a legitimate argument. Will make early December more interesting, that is for sure!

One last thought:

baby names! I like Paige Braley, Ella Paige, Isabelle Leigh, Lilly Grace...

We need help deciding!

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Who's life is this?

We have a crib and a changing table! The whole time we were putting it together, I kept thinking - is this my life? No way! I can't get pregnant, why do we need a crib? I know I am driving David crazy...the whole time we were assembling today, I kept saying, "can you believe we are putting together a crib?" "OH my gosh David, are we really having a baby?"
I know he is over the moon excited to have this baby, but it is so different for me than it is for him. I know that all during infertility, he just knew it would happen one day. One day we would get pregnant. Men are so practical like that. One thing doesn't work, try another. Eventually you will get it right. I, on the other hand, always worried it might never happen for us. Not everyone gets pregnant with IVF. But he turned out to be right, thank God! Anyway, my point was that this is all so surreal for me because I had many moments where I was pretty certain it would never happen. And I'm okay with that. It is just making this whole experience even better for me.
The back bedroom used to be closed all the time and I only went in to get paper towels or toilet paper (which we stored in the closet...guess I will need to find a new spot for those!). It was just too painful for me to see that big empty room. David doesn't even know this, but when I was home alone, sometimes I would go back there and just cry. I could never understand how a couple with this huge bedroom ready to put a baby in couldn't have one.
Now I will be crying tears of joy when I walk in that room : )

Saturday, November 15, 2008

It's the weekend!

This week flew by. Probably because I didn't have too much going on this weekend to look forward to. But I am oh so glad it is Saturday!
We went to a friend's birthday party last night. We all met up at her house, then David and I went home while every one else went out to the bar. Wouldn't have it any other way! You know how people say you anticipate things and build them up, then when they happen, they are never as good as you imagined? Well being pregnant is so not like that!! All my friends were gushing over my new bump, and I loved every single minute of it! I didn't mind them all touching it. I ate that attention right up!
My clothes are getting tighter and tighter by the day, so David is going to take me shopping for a few things later.
One week exactly until the greatest college football game of this season: OU vs. Texas Tech. I have never been so happy to have a home game! We need every advantage we can get in this one!
Two weeks and 2 days until my BIG ultrasound!
I have a feeling these next few weeks will not go as quickly as this week did!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Bump pictures!!! - 15 weeks

YAY! Not that there is much there, but I think is cute : ) These were taken this weekend at David's parents house in College Station, TX. We went down for the OU vs TX A&M game. We killed them!! David and I had a better time than his parents did though - his step-dad is the treasurer for the University. But it was a great weekend, we enjoyed gushing about the pregnancy. Right before we left for the game, I thought I looked a little pregnant in my tight OU shirt and maternity jeans, so I snuck off to their guest bath and got a few shots.

Also in exciting news: we bought a crib and a changing table! Pictures of those to come when the dang thing gets put together (hint, hint David!!)!!

All in all, life couldn't get any better for us right now! I am starting to feel the beginnings of round ligament pain, and it kind of surprises me when I get a pain like that, but I know it is just baby G growing!

So for the bump:

Sunday, November 2, 2008

My new life as the DD

We had a Halloween party on Friday! It was a huge success! There were about 25 drunk people (and 2 sobers) at my house. I sat and watched with amazement at how loud people are. How they don't use coasters. How they don't pick little things up off the floor when they drop them. How they throw away their food plate and make a new one if they want more. When everyone (finally) left, I told David - people were way more obnoxious and drunk this year than last. His response? No, you are just sober.

I was slowly realizing through the whole night that I was a much more fun hostess when I was drinking too. And just when I started to feel the slightest bit sad that I couldn't drink, I had a flashback. 4th of July. We had a party. There were pregnant people and mommies everywhere. I was getting ready to start birth control pills for IVF #1. Around 10:30 PM, my friend Miranda found me on the floor of my closet sobbing. Gross, snotty, can barely get out your words type sobbing. What a great friend I have! Even though she had no clue - she wasn't even married yet and no clue about the pains of infertility - she sad with me and let me cry and cry. I told her how it wasn't fair. From the outside, it looks like I have everything. Beautiful home, great family, wonderful job...but I felt so empty inside. That was a true low point in my life. Later, when everyone left, I remember asking David if I would ever be happy again.

So fast forward back to the Halloween party. I had a good friend there who has been having trouble trying to get pregnant for almost two years now. It dawned on me that she sat in the same shoes I did just a few months ago. Pregnant people (me) and mommies everywhere. I realized that she is probably, at this very moment, wondering if she will ever be happy again. While I was thankful for the reminder that being pregnant is the biggest blessing I have ever had, I wish I didn't need it. I wish I just knew all the time how wonderful it is. Migraines, nausea, exhaustion, weight gain, back aches, being a party pooper all the time - it is wonderful. I woke up the next morning and checked the heartbeat, and I couldn't help the tears pouring out of my eyes. I am so incredibly lucky.
We had the OU vs. Nebraska game on Saturday - BOOMER SOONER!!!! Before we headed down to Norman, we dressed our puppies up for the occasion!

My sweet Sooner dog, Beefy!

Momma with her two boys

My first baby, Spike