Thursday, November 27, 2008

So much to be thankful for!

What a difference a year makes. Last year, my one brother and his wife announced they were expecting. I was happy for them, but truth be told, it felt like a knife in the gut. I honestly couldn't breathe. I just couldn't believe that it wasn't me making this announcement. After all that time, I was not even close.

I was recovering from a lap surgery with ovarian drilling (which did nothing for me - goodbye 15K), and we were going to "try on our own" until the first of the year. Of course when I say try on our own, I don't mean sex in your bedroom when you feel like it. I mean, I would go to the RE on cycle day 13, if I had a follicle (sac that holds an egg on the ovary) greater than 18mm, I would take a shot of hcg to induce ovulation (the trigger shot), and go home and have sex. If I did not have a follicle ready to go, I would come back one week later and check it out. So our trying on our own wasn't free, wasn't relaxing, and wasn't fun.

So with my family celebrating the happy news of my brother and sister-in-law who got pregnant on the first month, I knew I had an appointment with my RE soon, he would tell me to have sex, and 14 days later I would get my period. And cry. And scream. After all the clomid, injectables, and surgery, I felt lost.

And never in my wildest dreams did I think that it would take me all the way until AUGUST of the next year to get pregnant. 30,000 more dollars, two injectable cycles, and a cycle of IVF.

Why did I label this negative post so much to be thankful for? Because I AM thankful. I am so thankful for the journey. I cry every day now because I feel so blessed. I will never forget where I came from. I will never forget the tears. I am forever grateful for all the pain I experienced. Last year, I felt lost, alone, jealous, bitter, completely unhappy. This year, I am going to spend black Friday shopping for my baby girl. I am not sure that anyone could feel as blessed as David and I do this holiday season.


Callie said...

That is a lot to be thankful for. I am sure your just over the moon happy about what is going on for you two right now, and I cant wait for that little girl to get here so we can all finally meet her! :)
I am thankful too! Happy Thanksgiving, and have fun shopping tomorrow!!

Jeff and Kerry said...

Awww, this post made me tear up. I think it sums up EXACTLY how a (former) infertile feels after so much heartache and struggle. We are so blessed.