Saturday, September 27, 2008

Infertility sucks

No two ways around it. It just plain sucks. I am overjoyed that I am pregnant. That is worth repeating. I am overjoyed that I am pregnant, and with twins no less. I am a little worried about my little baby B (we ALWAYS refer to it as a boy...), but not letting that put a damper on my excitment.

I learned a few days ago that another friend of mine is pregnant. I love this girl so much - we have been good friends for a while. She has been there for me through so many things the last 4 years. She stood there and was thrilled for me when I got married, then let me cry to her for almost 2 years when I was trying to get pregnant. She really is nothing but a great friend. So why do I feel so jealous of her? I AM PREGNANT TOO! It was kind of an "oops" thing, but they are married, and really excited about having a baby. I am happy for them, but there is a tiny part of me that wishes I could have had this time all to myself for a while. I know how ridiculous I sound. I sound like a spoiled child. I guess I just wish I could have had sex and gotten pregnant and immediately told the world and been excited about it - but infertility took all that away from me. I hate infertility. It sucks. I am forced to still be cautious. My brain has been re-wired. But all that aside, I think it will be fun to have a friend be pregnant with me. And she really does deserve all the happiness in the world.

Headed to the OU game today. Sooooo excited. Plus, David gets down there much earlier than I do to set up the tailgate, and he is going to get me my favorite food in the whole world and have it waiting for me. If you have never had a Freebirds Burrito, you need to. It is one of those make your own burrito places, and it rocks my world.


JackiJaguar said...

I completely understand what you're saying. It's funny to me that I'm still struggling with other people's pregnancies, like I should be fine but I'm not. But our journeys have been very different from most other women's, and the impact of that stays with us, even as we go through our own pregnancies. My counselor and I were just talking about this (IF has made me nuts) and she reminded me that there are very few events in our life that only evoke one emotion. I thought that was pretty smart :) Congratulations on your twins!

Jill said...

I think all of us "infertiles" have hard our brains re-wired. I hate what it's done to me, too! Oh well, just continue to be ecstatic for YOU. You're pg with twins! Woohoo! That's just wonderful. Congrats!