Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Reality is a 4 letter word

I was so optimistic with my 18 eggs yesterday. In my dreams, we would have 2 perfect blasts to transfer, and 4 or so make it to freeze. In reality, here is the breakdown:
16 mature
9 fertilized with ICSI
2 are good, 4 are fair, and 3 are fair/poor

This means that we are certainly doing a day 3 transfer on Friday - not even a chance of making it to day 5. It also means there is a slim to none possibility of any making it to freeze. I hate reality. I wish I could live in my fantasy for a few more days.

I know that it only takes one. I know we are blessed to have any fertilize. I know we are lucky to have 2 that look good at this stage. I am aware of all these things, but the point is that it isn't what I wanted. It isn't what I expected. I just want to scream. I can't be happy about those two embies. I know I should - hell, they could become my kids. I will try. I will try to be happy, and be patient, and wait for the phone call tomorrow for my update. Please, God, please watch over my embryos. Everyone else, please pray for my embryos.


stacey said...

Focusing on the and your DH (well and your RE)created 9 embryos. That is amazing all by itself. Sending all 9 of them wonderful vibes. Stacey (Cardsfan)

Anonymous said...

I will be praying for your little embryos; don't give up on hope you have come so far and done so well! I have been following your blog and can relate -- We start our first IVF this month after getting married in July 06; I'm right behind you. I'm so scared but seeing your sense of humor throughout it all has really encouraged me. You have done an amazing job, and I pray that you finally get your little one this time around!

Dr. Erin and Mr. Heath said...

Megan, I'm praying hard for those little embies now and when they get implanted. Two embryos is wonderful! I know you know, but God has his hand in this. Keep your chin up, lady...and keep me posted! Love you and can't wait to see you this weekend!