I am miserable. My body hurts all the time. The only thing that is tolerable to me is laying in bed with my tempurpedic body pillow between my legs. Oh - and I can't have a shirt on. Sorry for the horrible image that might be in your head now...
My skin just can't handle the stretching any more. I am measuring 42+ weeks, and it is more than my body can handle. My stretch mark-ravaged stomach has turned into something worse. A horrid rash. That is spreading. I itch all day and night. Not a slight thing that I would like to scratch...more like fire ants crawling all over my stomach and thighs. I was bawling in the middle of the night last night because it is so horrible. I know that scratching is going to leave scars, but I truly can't help it.
I feel DESPERATE to get these boys out. I know that it is still too early for them. And rational thought always takes over in the morning and I am thankful for another day that they are inside. But the nights. Oh - the nights. Pregnancy congestion, horrible rash/itching, aching body, contractions that keep me up, two boys fighting for room in there...this is by far the most miserable, physically, that I have ever been. And I know that the next 3 weeks are not going to bring anything but more of the same. If not worse. : (
David and I were talking last night, and we agreed, that the one good thing about me being this miserable is the fact that I will never feel tempted to get pregnant again. We know in our hearts that our family is complete after 3. 1 girl and 2 boys = a perfect family in our minds. But I wondered if ending my reproductive journey at the age of 27 was really going to be what I wanted. Would I want to try again in 3 or 4 years? Would I have the desire to experience pregnancy one more time?
I know the answer for sure now and it is a resounding: HELL NO.
I feel like now I should go on and list all the reasons that I am thankful right now. But I just don't have it in me. If you know me at all, you know that my life is my family. I remember the pain of not knowing if I would ever get pregnant. I know that having preemies in the NICU is FAR worse than the misery of the end of a twin pregnancy. I know. So - whatever. This doesn't change the fact that there is nothing easy about my life right now.