Saturday, October 23, 2010

Rough night

I have to get this all off my chest:

I am miserable. My body hurts all the time. The only thing that is tolerable to me is laying in bed with my tempurpedic body pillow between my legs. Oh - and I can't have a shirt on. Sorry for the horrible image that might be in your head now...

My skin just can't handle the stretching any more. I am measuring 42+ weeks, and it is more than my body can handle. My stretch mark-ravaged stomach has turned into something worse. A horrid rash. That is spreading. I itch all day and night. Not a slight thing that I would like to scratch...more like fire ants crawling all over my stomach and thighs. I was bawling in the middle of the night last night because it is so horrible. I know that scratching is going to leave scars, but I truly can't help it.

I feel DESPERATE to get these boys out. I know that it is still too early for them. And rational thought always takes over in the morning and I am thankful for another day that they are inside. But the nights. Oh - the nights. Pregnancy congestion, horrible rash/itching, aching body, contractions that keep me up, two boys fighting for room in there...this is by far the most miserable, physically, that I have ever been. And I know that the next 3 weeks are not going to bring anything but more of the same. If not worse. : (

David and I were talking last night, and we agreed, that the one good thing about me being this miserable is the fact that I will never feel tempted to get pregnant again. We know in our hearts that our family is complete after 3. 1 girl and 2 boys = a perfect family in our minds. But I wondered if ending my reproductive journey at the age of 27 was really going to be what I wanted. Would I want to try again in 3 or 4 years? Would I have the desire to experience pregnancy one more time?

I know the answer for sure now and it is a resounding: HELL NO.

I feel like now I should go on and list all the reasons that I am thankful right now. But I just don't have it in me. If you know me at all, you know that my life is my family. I remember the pain of not knowing if I would ever get pregnant. I know that having preemies in the NICU is FAR worse than the misery of the end of a twin pregnancy. I know. So - whatever. This doesn't change the fact that there is nothing easy about my life right now.

11 comments:

Just Me said...

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what that must be like, I remember feeling done, but that was with one baby and an 18 month old...it's rough...just remember that when you get to hold those two amazing perfect boys it will all be worth it! I'm sending good thoughts your way!

Kristi said...

Sorry you are having a rough night...hang in there. My twins were preemies and nicu babies...not fun. Keep those precious boys cooking!

kim said...

Ugh. I am sorry this is so miserable for you. There were days I thought, "That's it! I am done!" so I totally understand. Just take it minute by minute and do what you gotta do to stay as comfortable and relaxed as possible.

You're doing great! Big hugs!

Alyssa said...

Sorry :(

Make sure you write down a LOT about what makes you so uncomfortable and why you don't want to be pregnant again. I didnt think I'd want to be pregnant again when I was near the end with my daughter, but 3 months after she was born, I literally forgot all my uncomfortableness and my 9 months of morning sickness, and got pregnant again.

You may truly forget.

Megan and David said...

LOL - I will make myself come and read this over and over again if I ever even THINK about wanting another baby.

Jennifer said...

Just hugs. That sounds awful. Hang in there, the end is in sight.

Anonymous said...

Hi. I am sorry to hear about your misery. Sounds like you hava a cause of PUPPS. I have 2 friends that suffered through it and I know it's awful. Hang in there.

cryercutie said...

Oh Megan! I am so sorry you are hurting. PLEASE let me take Paige for a day or let me do anything that I can to help you. I will say extra prayers for you in the next few weeks!
Love,
Linds

WantWait&Pray said...

I found your blog through Tabitha's (Think Positive) and I just wanted to offer some support. I had my b/g twins at 38 weeks and those last few weeks were awful! The stretching, water weight, sleepless nights, carpal tunnel, you name it....it was tough. But...my babies were a health 5.6 and 7.13 lbs and they left with my hubby and I at only 3 days old because they were healthy. Though I wanted relief for my aching body...taking them home with me with no complications was worth every minute of lost sleep.
Best of luck to you in this last stretch. You can do it...and you'll have two beautiful faces peering up at you in just a matter of time which will erase ALL of this.
Ps- make sure to ask about the rash to your Dr. There is something called Cholestasis that is more common in twin pregnancy and it's main symptom is itching (palms of hands most specifically). I got REALLY itchy at the end and was terrified it was cholestasis. It was just a rash that we had no explanation for, but I watched it closely. NOT trying to scare you, just wanted to pass it along bc I did have a friend with twin boys who had cholestatsis and she had to deliver prior to 37 weeks because of it. feel free to email me with questions! My babies are 5 months old (today) so everything is still quite fresh in my memory! :-) wantwaitpray@gmail.com

Dre said...

Definitely mention the rash in case it is serious. Could be just pupps. And if so, I am so, so, sorry. It is probably from your tiny belly stretched so far. I had it with my first. It sucks. Worse than any other symptom. Just keep the damn thing lubed up (burts bees mamabee belly balm) or ask your doc for an anti-itch cream that is ok. I am sure if you ask the doc that s/he will ok the use of benedryl for the itch especially at night.

This is important to note after delivery. If you have an iv, definitely ask them to inject benedryl (or there is another similar drug that also works well and kinda dulls pain) at the SAME time they inject any painkillers in you. Painkillers = itchiness (more than you already have) and you need the benedryl at the same time to cancel it out and get full relief. Otherwise, your pain will be relieved, but the itch factor will ramp up making you uncomfortable, then if you get a shot of benedryl, by the time that kicks in, the painkillers will be wearing off. Trust me.

So, pupps. That sucks. One of the nurses suggested that I use a soft washcloth to rub on your belly/back/thighs (I had it all over me from my knees to my shoulders) if you get desperate to itch. It gives some relief without tearing up your skin (which I did, I am ashamed to admit). Also, once the boys are out, I would consider the offer of steroids. That helps get rid of it sooner. You might feel crappy at first, but it sure beats a possible six weeks of the itch post-partum. There are great websites out there, I will try to find them. You hang in there and be as miserable as you want.

Amanda said...

Paige is such a big girl!!!! She is growing up so fast! 3 weeks will HOPEFULLY be here before ya know it! :) You look great too!